Dr. Wendy Oliver-Pyatt & Vicki Kroviak
Former college
roommates Dr. Wendy Oliver-Pyatt and Vicki Kroviak are the cofounders of
Oliver-Pyatt Centers, comprehensive programs for the treatment of eating
disorders. Wendy, a board certified psychiatrist, founder of Center for Hope of
the Sierras, and author of Fed Up! (McGraw-Hill) and Vicki, a television
executive, both suffered from bulimia throughout their teen and young adult
years.
How did you meet?
Vicki: We met in
college. We were both volunteering at a student-run self-help center. Kind of
ironic, when you figure that at the time that we were each completely consumed
with our eating disorder. Yet, we were immediate soul-mates.
Wendy: Sometimes
friends with food issues compete…You know, who can be the thinnest, the
sickest, whatever. Fortunately, we were never like that. We tried to help each
other get thin because we actually believed that thinness led to happiness. We
really thought we were doing the right thing for ourselves and for each other.
Vicki: It’s funny. I
don’t think either of us would have said “I have an eating disorder”. We were
really just trying to be what we thought of as our best. We had what we were
convinced were our “ideal” weights posted on the wall of our apartment as a
daily reminder. We thought that we were being healthy, and sadly our society
reinforced this idea.
Looking back, when did you start suffering from food and body
preoccupation?
Wendy: I was really
into ballet, which, combined with going through puberty, was a recipe for body
issues. I began with food restriction, as most do, and the vicious cycle began.
I didn’t know it was an eating disorder. I wanted a lot out of life, I had a
lot of expectations of myself, and I was convinced being thin was a part of
that. I remember specific comments that influenced me. I convinced my mother to
take me to a weight loss specialist, though I was at my natural body weight.
Vicki: My memories of
dieting and food restriction in my home go back as far as I can remember. It
was just the culture of our home. I can remember my grandmother, in her 80′s, a
wisp of a woman, telling me with pride how little she weighed. And my mother
didn’t know any other way. By the time I was in middle school I had full blown
bulimia.
What about your recovery? How did that come about?
Vicki: For me, recovery came
after I reached a point of total exhaustion. I was so tired of feeling
consumed, that I got some help. And I was lucky enough to find a really good
therapist when I did reach out. I also moved in with a friend who had a really
positive, healthy relationship with food. It was the first time in my life that
I lived with someone who was not eating disordered. I can still remember
explaining to her, after we arrived back at our apartment late one night
without having had dinner, that I couldn’t eat because it was night time. She
said, “Really? I just eat whenever I’m hungry. ” I thought she was crazy.
Wendy: I visited Vicki
for dinner one night after she had started on this new path. She made linguine
and creme Brule. I was, like, what are you thinking?! I literally thought she
was nuts… I was influenced by several authors, especially Geneen Roth. I started
to see the light. I made the decision that I was unwilling to restrict, and I
was willing to accept my body, even if my weight or size increased. I could not
stand the idea of continuing to live in the prison of food and body
preoccupation, I was exhausted. I slowly started a process of learning mindful
eating. A deep realization for me was that I needed to take myself seriously on
both an emotional and physical level. I started to grasp that my eating
disorder had something to do with not treating myself with respect and honor,
and there were reasons for this. I now always try to help my patients see how
worthwhile they are, and I convey to them the feeling that I authentically
respect them. I think that learning to take yourself seriously is key. Vicki was
a big help to me. She used to remind me to stay gentle, something that our
patients always need reminding about too.
You must have been kind of a rare breed, with your new way of
thinking.
Wendy: It definitely is
an internal shift when you learn to eat based on your own inner experience vs
rules. This is not something we’re encouraged to do in our society. Eating
disorders do not occur in a vacuum. There are societal expectations, genetics,
familial risk factors, and situations that hit us when we’re most
developmentally and psychologically vulnerable. It can be draining to live in a
culture where everyone is talking about weight loss. In my personal life, I
benefit from having family and friends who share many of my values, and that is
helpful.
Vicki: I think that
recovery from an eating disorder is really a journey, in the sense that at
different times in my life, I have had to return to the lessons that helped me
get well in the first place.
What makes Oliver-Pyatt Centers special to you?
Vicki: We’ve said since
the beginning that our top priority is the client. Our guiding principle is we
will do anything to help them get better. Also, it was really important to us
to have a bilingual team. When I was living and working in Argentina, I
surprised at the widespread incidence of eating disorders. This prompted us to
make a bilingual treatment team a key part of the Miami Center. It is in a
beautiful residential neighborhood in South Miami, a very tranquil place. But
the setting allows clients to reintegrate into real life €“ at an appropriate
stage in their recovery process, of course-through daily, guided outings into
the community.
Wendy: We have made the
decision that our treatment philosophy is to do whatever it takes to help an
individual recover from an eating disorder. I want to provide an environment
where patients immediately recognize that we take them seriously on every
level. The environment, the quality, training, and cohesion of our staff, and
the availability of clinicians and care providers on an individual level for
each individual patient, is very important to a person with an eating disorder.
In order to make good decisions in patient care, we must really authentically
connect to and know each individual. This takes time and energy with each
individual patient. We are willing to make this commitment to each person. We
want to be a place where patients feel emotionally safe to share their true
selves. We wanted a safe place that would allow our clients to reconnect with
their true selves, yet also provide a kind of gateway back into regular life.
To fully recover, at some point, you have to let the world back in. But it is
important that patients have the chance to let the world in while they are
still in treatment, so that we can comprehend their life experience, how it
impacts them, and how they can approach and manage complicated situations that
are a part of their everyday life. We believe that full recovery from eating
disorders is possible when a person is provided with effective treatment.
What would you say to someone suffering from an eating disorder?
Wendy: You deserve the
opportunity to recover. Your life and joy are being sapped. You didn’t choose
to be sick. You don’t deserve an eating disorder. Recovery takes time, and
energy. It is a healing process that sometimes feels mysterious. There will be
bumps and setbacks. It is critical that you receive care from professionals
that understand the biological and psychological components, with whom you can
authentically connect.
Vicki: There’s another
way. It’s not an easy way, it’s not the way that everything in our culture will
direct you towards, but it’s a way. I look at my three daughters and the
bombardment of messages that they receive on a daily basis about how they need
to look and “be”, and it’s a miracle that anyone survives adolescence without
an eating disorder.
How has your sense of self changed over the years?
Wendy: I’m doing what I
really love, not what I “should. ” I’m passionate about women accepting
themselves at all sizes and cultivating a strong voice to express themselves.
In my adolescence and young adulthood, I felt intimidated about really speaking
up and sharing my views and opinions. I now feel it is extremely important to
state your opinions and feelings to others, allowing them to know your state,
while accepting the outcomes. Sometimes others don’t agree with us, and
conflict can occur. That is OK too. Conflict allows us to know each other more
fully. This can bring for greater closeness when we are willing to work things
out on a deeper level. Sometimes, conflict can mean that we need to make
decisions to change our expectations of others, or to move our energy in
another direction as well.
Learning how to train
and supervise an entire treatment staff, work with complicated family
situations, engage with resistant or reluctant patients, all have been
opportunities for me to evolve and to experience such incredible meaning in my
life. I am sometimes surprised with my own growth. At the same time, it means
so much to me when I see a woman learn to take herself seriously and hear about
her life in a phone call or email after she goes home. When your patient goes
from a state of joylessness, to a place where they feel their life is
meaningful, and they respect themselves, it really is an indescribable
experience for me.
Vicki: I think I spent
years of my life completely defined by the scale. If someone asked me how I
was, I might as well have answered with how much I weighed. My sense of
well-being was so completely tied to that number. There was a time when I
traveled with my scale in my suitcase, because God forbid that I should be
forced to weigh myself on a different “less accurate” scale.
What do you admire about each other?
Vicki: I have complete
trust in Wendy’s ability to care for these patients, to connect with them, and
to do whatever it takes to help them get well. I know that there will be no
shortcuts. It makes me proud to be a part of what we’re doing. That was part of
our earliest conversations: that these programs would be excellent in every
way.
Wendy: Vicki is a
passionate person who loves to take on a challenging situation. She is a
constantly growing person. I love how she is not afraid of facing problems or
complicated situations. Having her as an integral part of my life and now of
Oliver-Pyatt Centers, brings me joy, and gives me a feeling of being safe. I
know that I can count on her through any potentially tough situation. At the
same time, we have so much fun together too! Vicki is an extremely accepting
and non-judgmental person. I think that going through an eating disorder does
lead to this humility. She’s driven but not at all impressed by titles or
outward trappings of success. What she cares about is what is inside of each
person.
How would you define success?
Vicki: A generation of
girls who don’t define themselves by our current cultural standards. More
personally, to raise three girls whose measure of worth and identity is their
own.
Wendy: There’s a
quotation on our website by Ralph Waldo Emerson that talks about adding a
texture and depth to your life through what he calls “an advanced experience”.
Success is a by-product of living life according to your values, interests, and
convictions. I think that being in a place of gratitude brings with it
acceptance. You can apply this to yourself, your body, your relationships, and
even to life itself. I think that gratitude brings with it perspective.
Sometimes, if things feel scary in life or I am unsure of how things will work
out, I have to go to a place of gratitude. In our society, sometimes we come
short on gratitude and perspective. Success has something also to do with
having a sense of vitality and meaning in your life. To have this, one must
take his or herself seriously.
